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When news broke that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”